In Memoriam - Dr. Kalpana Rao

I called yesterday to make an appointment with my neurologist, Dr. Kalpana Rao, in Richardson, TX. She has been my neurologist and unofficial medical adviser since 1997 when I had my first bout with Bell's Palsy at the age of 27.

Her office called me back today to let me know that she died of ovarian cancer in January of this year (2007).

First, think what you want of me, but I'm devastated. No, we weren't friends or relatives or colleagues. No, we didn't socialize outside of the doctor/patient relationship. No, we didn't have any other bond at all.

But I liked her very much. In fact, I told multiple friends and family about her over the years and recommended her to people who might have needed her skills as a doctor. Right now, I can't even imagine seeing another neurologist. After I moved out of Dallas, I would still drive an hour and a half to see her rather than change doctors.

I enjoyed the way she gave me a hard time about my smoking and my not keeping up with my regular 6-month check-ups and facial exercises. (She was a 5-foot little something [I'm 5'7"], who would point her finger up and lecture me.)

I delighted in her tales of going home to India each year and reveling in her friends and food and native celebrations. She didn't mind answering my questions about her religion or homeland or events and knew I asked out of curiosity, not prejudice or malice. So she shared with me, even if it was just a little bit.

A doctor isn't usually a friend, and Dr. Rao wasn't either. All jokes and sarcastic shots between her and me aside, she was a professional. We didn't socialize, or keep in touch outside of her work, or exchange photos, or chat on the Internet. But I liked her, and she was a damn good doctor. She never preached but always let me know how she felt about my habits. She never worried but always made sure I was medically checked out anyway. She never hovered but always insisted that I follow up with her.

I'm terribly saddened to hear about her loss. She was not only a good person but a great doctor. I can't believe she died of ovarian cancer. Unfortunately, I was told that she did, in fact, have her woman's annual exam before she died and that they didn't find the cancer at that time. Even if they had, ovarian cancer is usually very deadly.

To all the family, friends, acquaintances, professionals, students, and patients in Dr. Rao's life, I just want to say that I feel your loss, and it's a big one.

Dr. Rao, thank you. You were a wonderful doctor and person, and I didn't have to be your friend to see that.

Sincerely,

Your patient and admirer, who loved to give you a hard time, which you always reciprocated,

Sunny