Girl A: Wow, you look awesome!
Girl B: Like, too bad, 'cuz you look totally awesome!
Girl A: Well, duh, but you are completely, totally hot!
Girl B: Wow, okay, like, we both are! I am still so totally stunned we got on Girls Gone Wild! It was the ultimate! We are totally models now!
(Girl A asks flight attendant for water. Her request is denied until the flight is in the air and stable. They haven't even taken off yet.)
Girl A: Like, did you see how that Demi Moore type just dissed me when I asked for water? Just 'cuz the plane's not in the air yet? Who the fuck cares? Like I need water, like now. Duh.
Girl B: Shya, like she may have been there, done that, but she must be, like totally jealous of how young and pretty we are and she's not anymore. Like ignore her. She's totally nothing, and we're like, you know, hot! And we've shown our boobs on Girls Gone Wild! We're fuckin' models!
Girl A: Like, like you're totally right! But then, you're always right. And hot too!
Girl B: Fuckin' A right!
(The girls engage in mindless chatter about Paris Hilton [like, she's totally hot!], the breast implants Daddy A promised for Girl A's upcoming 21st birthday, scoping totally hot frat guys for the M.R.S. Degree Mom said to get, etc.)
Girl A: I can't believe that stupid bitch brought me some generic bottled water, not even Voss or iLove! What is it Daddy says? Stupid pheasants!
Girl B: Peasants, pheasants, presents.... Whatever. Those people are like totally fucking stupid! And they're not hot!
(Exit Girl A to lavatory.)
Girl A: Like, some stupid old hag is in the fucking bathroom! Like, what's her problem?
Girl B (joining Girl A): Like, she's old and ugly and not young and pretty like us. She must be hogging the bathroom because she's, like, totally jealous of us!
Girl A (banging on lavatory): Like, come out right now stupid fucking old hag! You're just jealous!
Girl B (banging on lavatory): U.G.L.Y. You ain't got no alibi! You ugly, heh heh, you ugly! (giggles shrilly)
Girl A: Girl, you are like, so funny! That stupid ugly bitch better come out of the fuckin' bathroom, now!
(Man exits the restroom.)
Girl B: Shit! It was a fucking guy! Asshole!
Girl A: Too fucking bad anyway. He's just totally jealous because we're hot and he's too old for us. And U.G.L.Y. And he has man tits. And he's probably poor too. Asshole!
(Flight attendants intervene.)
Attendant: Girls, you have been warned several times. Please return to your seats, stop using profanity, and act your age.
(Both girls speaking to attendant.)
Girl A: Like, oh my God! You are like, so fucking jealous! (turning to Girl B) Like, did you hear how she just totally admitted being jealous of our age? (back to attendant) Like, it's not our fault we're pretty! That's the only reason you're fucking picking on us, you fucking bitch!
Girl B: Shya! You can tell just by looking at us we're models!
Girl A: Like, and you just need to get over it, or I'm like, calling my Daddy and I'll end up owning this fucking plane, you fucking pheasant!
Girl B: Like, she will, totally. I saw the whole thing, and they'll believe me because I'm totally pretty, and you're not. We're being totally discriminunated against for our looks! Duh.
(Later, after landing in L.A. and being met and interviewed by L.A.'s finest...)
Girl A: We are like, so totally gonna sue! It's discriminumination!
Girl B: Shya, like, did you see how that cop even ignored my boobs? They're just jealous too 'cuz they only have ugly hags on this coast. Duh.
Girl A: Totally. Besides, your boobs do look hot.
(Mr. and Mrs. A come to the rescue, again...)
Daddy A: Sweetheart, we're so proud of you for standing up for yourself! Those brutes didn't hurt my princess, did they?
Girl A: Well, I did get a bruise when that evil stewardess pushed me back in my seat! See? (showing week-old ankle bruise) And that horrible rent-a-cop ignored my boobs and even threatened to cuff me! Like, can you believe it? Me? The next Paris Hilton!
Mommy A (to husband): Dear God, honey, call that damn lawyer of yours right now. That worthless bastard better drop every other client he has and take care of this ASAP after all the money you've pushed his way. You paid him a fortune that time those terrible gossips went after our little princess....
Girl B: Mr. and Mrs. A, where are my parents? Not like I care, but....
Mommy A: We couldn't reach them on their yacht, hon. But we're taking you and Princess home with us and getting this mess cleared up. Those sorry sons o' bitches don't know who they're dealing with by fucking with our two beautiful girls! (Both girls start sobbing.) Poor sweet darlings. It's sad that people turn ugly just because they're jealous. (turning to husband) Honey, we need to get them to a spa immediately! This stress can't be good for their complexions! (back to girls) Poor sweethearts, you're too beautiful and rich to be at fault for any of this awful mess. Let us take care of this like good parents should.
Girl A (to parents): Actually, like, this is all your fault! If you'd have let me get my boob job when I was 17, none of this would have ever happened!
Mommy A (to husband): See! I told you that boob job was more important than some stupid education! College is just for finding a rich husband, imbecile! (back to girls) That's okay, girls. It's Daddy's fault, and he'll fix it. We're going to the spa, and then shopping on Rodeo Drive, and then a relaxing dinner at Dolce. You've had such a trying day, no curfew tonight. After dinner, you two go out and club hop and have some fun! Daddy will get you a limo and unlimited spending money, k Punkin'?
The End
story
video of those poor pretty girls
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Friday, February 8, 2008
Little gifts are the best treasures, Part Deux...
My favorite key chain, the little blue alien, broke a few months after I got it. Unfortunately, the break is with the little plastic man himself and is not fixable. I whined about my little alien being "gone" to my friend and her boyfriend, and she actually offered to give me hers (she had bought one for herself). When I explained that I was just joking, they brought me back a different key chain from San Francisco. It's a neat oval view of the skyline with birds flying and the bridge in the foreground. Again, I love gifts like this. They don't cost a lot and show that people are thinking of you!
Now, here's the best: This same couple had a short-term job in the Bahamas not long ago. Just to give you an idea, they're a couple in their twenties who are both attractive but haven't gotten married or had kids yet. They're a good couple together. B can be very funny to watch because he's uncomfortable talking about subjects like woman problems, girl stuff, attractive men, etc.
Before they left, M asked what I wanted. I told her I wanted a young, buff hottie with an accent and NOT with a speedo. You get the gist of it: I was asking her for pictures, but we all talked as if she was going to smuggle a man back in their luggage. When I repeated the request to B, he was very uncomfortable and said that that was his girlfriend's department. Boy, does he get cute (and red) when he's shy! Long story short, they brought me back some pics from the beach, and man, Americans (no matter what age), have just plain gotten fat! I'm not saying they should all look like Mark Wahlberg or Arnold Schwarzenegger, but wow! M said there just weren't any decent specimens to look at, but she did say B would've gotten some great pics of an old fat guy in a speedo if he'd had their camera at that moment (he may be shy but has a great sense of humor!). Anyway, I also got a great key chain and a small shell, not to mention tons of laughs with my friends. I truly appreciate these seemingly small efforts that aren't small at all because these people always take time out to think of me. Friendships are truly a treasure.
If anyone besides me ever actually reads this blog, I encourage you to send me a key chain from wherever you are or wherever you go. I'll also accept young, buff hotties with accents.
Sunny
Now, here's the best: This same couple had a short-term job in the Bahamas not long ago. Just to give you an idea, they're a couple in their twenties who are both attractive but haven't gotten married or had kids yet. They're a good couple together. B can be very funny to watch because he's uncomfortable talking about subjects like woman problems, girl stuff, attractive men, etc.
Before they left, M asked what I wanted. I told her I wanted a young, buff hottie with an accent and NOT with a speedo. You get the gist of it: I was asking her for pictures, but we all talked as if she was going to smuggle a man back in their luggage. When I repeated the request to B, he was very uncomfortable and said that that was his girlfriend's department. Boy, does he get cute (and red) when he's shy! Long story short, they brought me back some pics from the beach, and man, Americans (no matter what age), have just plain gotten fat! I'm not saying they should all look like Mark Wahlberg or Arnold Schwarzenegger, but wow! M said there just weren't any decent specimens to look at, but she did say B would've gotten some great pics of an old fat guy in a speedo if he'd had their camera at that moment (he may be shy but has a great sense of humor!). Anyway, I also got a great key chain and a small shell, not to mention tons of laughs with my friends. I truly appreciate these seemingly small efforts that aren't small at all because these people always take time out to think of me. Friendships are truly a treasure.
If anyone besides me ever actually reads this blog, I encourage you to send me a key chain from wherever you are or wherever you go. I'll also accept young, buff hotties with accents.
Sunny
An Open Letter to John McCain
Senator McCain,
I am a liberal who has always liked you, and, before the immigration issue, would have voted for you in a heartbeat even though I usually vote Democrat. I like it that you stand up for your beliefs and don't back down from your own party. I truly appreciate your service and sacrifices for our country.
Unfortunately, your stance on immigration is a "deal breaker" for me. I can't understand why you think it's okay to give people who haven't given their time, energy, and the money it takes to become true citizens some sort of free ride? Those who truly want to be citizens and live as Americans take classes, attempt to learn the language, pay taxes, earn honest wages, exhibit patriotism for their new country, and are exemplary citizens. They are proud of their efforts, culminating in an Oath of Citizenship. Why should others just be handed something that other people don't take for granted?
In fact, why should those with no interest in citizenship or assimilation be given free access to the programs I have paid for? I don't get food stamps or go to the emergency room for "free" non-emergency medical care or get government hand outs, and I expect the same from others who are capable of earning a living. I don't even have kids, but my local property taxes pay for the schooling of children in my area. Why should I be paying for children whose parents don't contribute to the system? Why should my Social Security benefits go to those who haven't paid into that same system all these years? Why should my health and car insurance go up every year to cover those who are getting free medical at emergency rooms, getting free prescriptions, not paying for medical treatments, and those who are getting into driving even though they have no driver's license or insurance? Why should our taxes go up every year to house the thousands of illegal immigrants in our jails and prisons rather than sending them home?
Frankly, before President Bush offered to give these people a free ride, I hadn't thought much about it. I won't lie and say I haven't employed illegals because I have on three different occasions (for day jobs, not long-term employment). But that was before someone told me they were just all of a sudden going to be citizens and get the same benefits I have paid for over the years. Sorry, but I'm not going for it even if that makes me sound like a hypocrite.
Don't expect something for free while others have worked hard their whole lives and paid into the system, or who have spent the time and effort to learn and to become United States citizens, or who have fought and died to ensure our rights and freedoms.
I'm proud to be an American, and yes, I got it the easy way. I was born in this country, and so were my relatives going back more than a hundred years. My family is conservative (I'm the anomaly), and they've always worked hard and taught me to do the same. We may not always like some of our government's actions, and we may not always agree with their rhetoric, but we respect each other's right to an opinion. My opinion, Senator McCain, is that you should do the right thing and not encourage the granting of amnesty to people who don't respect the responsibility of citizenship.
Sincerely,
Sunny
I am a liberal who has always liked you, and, before the immigration issue, would have voted for you in a heartbeat even though I usually vote Democrat. I like it that you stand up for your beliefs and don't back down from your own party. I truly appreciate your service and sacrifices for our country.
Unfortunately, your stance on immigration is a "deal breaker" for me. I can't understand why you think it's okay to give people who haven't given their time, energy, and the money it takes to become true citizens some sort of free ride? Those who truly want to be citizens and live as Americans take classes, attempt to learn the language, pay taxes, earn honest wages, exhibit patriotism for their new country, and are exemplary citizens. They are proud of their efforts, culminating in an Oath of Citizenship. Why should others just be handed something that other people don't take for granted?
In fact, why should those with no interest in citizenship or assimilation be given free access to the programs I have paid for? I don't get food stamps or go to the emergency room for "free" non-emergency medical care or get government hand outs, and I expect the same from others who are capable of earning a living. I don't even have kids, but my local property taxes pay for the schooling of children in my area. Why should I be paying for children whose parents don't contribute to the system? Why should my Social Security benefits go to those who haven't paid into that same system all these years? Why should my health and car insurance go up every year to cover those who are getting free medical at emergency rooms, getting free prescriptions, not paying for medical treatments, and those who are getting into driving even though they have no driver's license or insurance? Why should our taxes go up every year to house the thousands of illegal immigrants in our jails and prisons rather than sending them home?
Frankly, before President Bush offered to give these people a free ride, I hadn't thought much about it. I won't lie and say I haven't employed illegals because I have on three different occasions (for day jobs, not long-term employment). But that was before someone told me they were just all of a sudden going to be citizens and get the same benefits I have paid for over the years. Sorry, but I'm not going for it even if that makes me sound like a hypocrite.
Don't expect something for free while others have worked hard their whole lives and paid into the system, or who have spent the time and effort to learn and to become United States citizens, or who have fought and died to ensure our rights and freedoms.
I'm proud to be an American, and yes, I got it the easy way. I was born in this country, and so were my relatives going back more than a hundred years. My family is conservative (I'm the anomaly), and they've always worked hard and taught me to do the same. We may not always like some of our government's actions, and we may not always agree with their rhetoric, but we respect each other's right to an opinion. My opinion, Senator McCain, is that you should do the right thing and not encourage the granting of amnesty to people who don't respect the responsibility of citizenship.
Sincerely,
Sunny
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